Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
