when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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