It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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