She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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