You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
