I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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