If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
