life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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