What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
