The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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