If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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