You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
