So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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