you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
