I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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