I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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