You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
