hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
