I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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