Already got asked if we're dating
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
