i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
