Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
