Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
