Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
