I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
