I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
