The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
