Buhtt sex?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
