I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
