I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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