We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
