Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
