So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are my feet made of real feet?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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