don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
