i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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