$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
