So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize