guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
