I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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