wat bout pragnant strippers??
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
