You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
