can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.