If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.