i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?