I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.