I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
