Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
