I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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