Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
