i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
