I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
