What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
