This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
