But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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