Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
