Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
