Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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