i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
