No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I want is dick and wine.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
