I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
