I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
