And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
