He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had to cum in my sink.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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