Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
