Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
