508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
