i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
