Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
