My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
