I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
