Betty ford says i'm here all night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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