Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
