woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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