Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
