I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
