I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're like the curious george of whores
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
