i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorryâ€. I’m still drunk.
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