So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
